I have homosexual feelings. Is that a sin?

HomeChristianity and the BibleI have homosexual feelings. Is that a sin?

Is it a sin for me to be attracted to the same sex even though I never act upon it?

Anonymous GodWords Reader

[Editor’s Note] Others have posted this article on Reddit a number of times, and it has been removed each time. The first part of the complaint is that I’m comparing homosexuality with bestiality. Even a quick, surface reading shows that this is true. However, I also compare heterosexuality and bisexuality with bestiality. The rest of the complaint suggests that homosexuality and bestiality are unrelated. They’re not…not when one considers that all kinds of sexuality are sexual in nature. Comparisons are not, by themselves, bad. They’re only bad when they’re incorrect. The strong emotional response to this article suggests that certain people believe any discussion of sexuality in the context of religion or spirituality is offensive. When you read, keep in mind that this article is in response to an actual question, asked by an actual person. While some might not feel such discussions are important, the anonymous man who asked this question is not among them.

Thanks for asking, anonymous GodWords reader! I’m going to give a short answer, and then a pretty long answer.

No, it’s not a sin to be attracted to the same sex. See? Pretty short. Now for the longer answer:

The truth is that, at some point, everybody is attracted to people of the same sex. We all have the capacity to be sexually attracted to almost anyone…and it’s not a matter of simple biology. Here’s what I mean:

There are two questions: WHY we’re attracted, and WHAT – if anything – to do about it.

WHY are we attracted?

We aren’t sure why some people are attracted to the opposite sex, and others to the same sex. Did you know that there’s exactly ZERO evidence that anyone is ‘born gay’? That’s right. Most scientists will freely admit that they’ve been looking for a gay gene for a long time, and that there simply isn’t one. Certain rich people are apparently paying scientists to keep looking, so some scientists keep looking…but it doesn’t look like they’ll find one.

If there’s no gay gene, then people aren’t born gay…so we can pretty much rule out simple biology. What then? Are we all to blame for our sexual desires?

Nah. All you have to do to blow that theory out of the water is to talk with homosexuals. Most of my gay and lesbian friends don’t remember NOT being gay…so they clearly didn’t DECIDE to become gay.

Of course, we CAN – clearly – develop and strengthen sexual appetites. Nobody in their right mind would suggest that people are born with sexual desires that include sheep, but some people clearly desire sex with them anyway. For that to happen, a person has to be willing to experiment and get past any awkwardness involving new and obviously strange desires. In other words, we can pervert ourselves if we want to.

So we’re not BORN gay, and we’re not born baasexual. Psychologists suggest that because sexual identity is formed in children between the ages of 3 and 5, certain disturbances during that formative time can lead to gender identity confusion. If that’s correct, it would explain why most homosexuals don’t remember NOT being gay, and show that homosexuality is not something that older children bring on themselves. Some people did NOT choose their sexual orientation, while others clearly have. What should we conclude? Simple: we don’t CREATE sexual desire, but we can AFFECT it. We may not have control over the fact that we desire sex, but we can control our actions.

WHAT should we do about it?

A lot of people believe that all of our desires are natural, and – as a result of that belief – believe that we should follow our desires without restraint. That sounds good until they hear that I’m naturally a selfish person who naturally likes to manipulate people, who naturally loves to lie and shoplift, and who could – if I let myself – be cruel and heartless. Those aren’t “politically correct” natural desires, and most people would say that I should definitely control myself in those areas…but, when it comes to sex, I should just let go and do what comes naturally.

The truth is that we should NOT do what comes naturally. Patience is not natural, but it’s a good thing to have. Kindness is good, but not natural…we learn it from kind people, and become convinced that it’s something we should offer to strangers. Self-control is not natural, either…and self-control is what’s prescribed for all kinds of desires, including sexual desires. We all like food, but everybody agrees that we should control our food intake. Lots of people like alcohol but believe that binge-drinking alcoholics should exercise more restraint. Sex is like any other desire: when we leave it unchecked (or when we purposefully misuse it), we face trouble.

I don’t know how strongly you believe that the Bible is God’s real instructions for all people, so I’m not sure exactly how to write this part. If you aren’t a big Bible person, let me point to what should be obvious: the misuse of sex causes MULTIPLE problems. We don’t like to think about it very much. In fact, we often try to escape the consequences of the misuse of sex, or to pretend that there AREN’T any consequences. Those who “sleep around” find that they bring extra emotional baggage to what otherwise might be a great relationship. Unintended pregnancies result in unwanted babies, or in the killing of unwanted babies. Sexually-transmitted diseases spread like wildfire and can cause illness, sterility, and death. Adultery breaks the trust in a relationship, destroys families, and damages reputations. I could go on and on with non-biblical reasons to see that self-control is the answer to the question “what should we do about our sexual desires?”.

If you ARE a big Bible person, let me point to what should be obvious: God wants to protect us from doing what ‘comes naturally’. The Bible explains what kinds of behaviors are damaging to us as people. Even though the ideas of self-restraint and obedience aren’t popular, they work. Many of my friends were sexually active before marriage, and consider that a factor in their failed marriages. Many of my friends have cheated on their spouses, and have suffered greatly as a result…they’re divorced, or in counseling, or are living in fear of discovery. Some have contracted diseases. Some have been blackmailed. All of them regret what they’ve done.

Not everyone has those same regrets, of course…so I can’t speak for them. I don’t know them. Everybody I know who’s willing to talk about their sex lives has suffered from doing what the Bible speaks against.

So IS homosexuality a sin?

No. Homosexuality is NOT a sin. Being attracted to someone isn’t a sin any more than it’s sinful to WANT to be selfish, to WANT to shoplift, or to WANT to be cruel. The Bible is clear that temptation and sin are two different things. Take a look at Hebrews 4:15…

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet he did not sin.

Jesus was tempted JUST AS WE ARE, but successfully resisted His temptation. When we are tempted to do something we should not, we face a decision: to give in, or to restrain ourselves. When we give in to temptation, that’s sin. When we don’t, that’s self-control. Temptation is part of life, and must be dealt with…but it’s NOT wrong to BE tempted.

We need to make a distinction between sexual ATTRACTION and sexual ACTIVITY. Sexual attraction is generally a good thing. God gave us these desires, and – as with hunger – we should fulfill these desires thoughtfully. Sexual activity is either right or wrong, and that depends on what we DO. The Bible describes homosexual activity as something unnatural…in fact, it describes ALL sinful acts as unnatural. Unfortunately, we’re broken people who live in a fallen world and – as a result – we have to deal with difficult situations that are often not our fault.

What should one do when faced with unnatural desires? When asked that way, it seems simple: we should exercise self-control, and ask God to help us do what is right. Unfortunately, not all desires are created equal. Sexual desire is closely tied to being social, and affects virtually all of our relationships with others. When virtually every relationship is affected by a desire we did not choose, our lives can be filled with struggle. I believe that homosexuality is NOT natural, and I believe that homosexuals are generally victims of sinful humanity. I can’t imagine how difficult life as a homosexual would be, even in the best of circumstances…so I’m very sympathetic toward those who struggle over questions of sexuality and godliness.

What SHOULD one do? Really, the answer IS simple…but it’s not easy. Regardless of which desire we’re struggling with, the answer is to seek God in all we do. Ask God to help you be the person you should be, and I believe that He will. That doesn’t necessarily make the struggle go away, of course…but we don’t have to face the struggle alone. God is with us, gives us strength and wisdom to face our problems, and comforts us when we fail. God transforms us from the inside out to become more like He is, if we just allow Him to change us. We cooperate with Him when we exercise self-control and avoid simply doing what comes naturally.

Does that answer your question?


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Kayleigh Willis
Kayleigh Willis
January 5, 2014 1:38 am

This was very helpful. But another question is, is can this be a phase? & does everyone at least once in their life have feelings for someone the same sex?

Jeremy Gonzalez
Jeremy Gonzalez
February 16, 2014 3:32 am

This was very helpful! I have a question though. If one is homosexual falls in love
& dates the same gender, but both don’t practice sexual intercourse. Is it still a sin?

Farai
Farai
March 31, 2014 1:32 am

I really wish the Christians would use this argument more often. It’s more logical and sound.

kutlo
kutlo
April 2, 2014 4:16 am

@faraı,ıt maybe logıcal,but lets seek what the bıble says,Tony ı lıke parts of your reply ,such as the Holy Ghost leads us and ıf the spırıt tells you somethıng ısnt rıght then ıt probably ıs not rıght,hence a sın.let me start by sayıng we shouldnt even be lookıng ınto what scıentıst or socıologıst and psychologısts say about such ıssues,we are chıldren of God,and ıf you are a Chrıstıan we should know better than look for an explaınatıon from the world,but we should seek a spırıtual revealatıon! Romans 1:24 24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. And the end ıt says they deserve death,whıch means homosexualıty ıs a sın and a sexual ımmoralıty actıvıty whıch ıs an abomınatıon ın the bıble. All you need to do ıs seek God more and pray that you do not follow the desıres of flesh,and gıve ın to temptatıons that wıll lead to death.lıke tony saıd,God wıll lead you and hıs able to change you.Let the spırıt prevaıl,but the flesh dıe.Homosexualıty ıs a sın.

Anonymous
Anonymous
May 2, 2014 10:10 am

Thankyou so much! This has brought a lot of peace to me! I am a Christian, but I get so frustrated and confused because my body will react sometimes when with someone the same sex no matter how hard I try. My body is just turned on with anything homosexual, I don’t know why, but it just seems a temptation that is VERY strong in my life.

Now I would never ever actually DO anything with another man, but will this effect my marriage? Getting a wife? That is what I am particularly stressed about. I’m 18, so these things have been pressing on my mind. I even have homosexual dreams that I can’t control! I CANT STAND IT. I just want to have straight feelings like any other person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous
Anonymous
August 22, 2014 8:28 pm

Is it a sin to be friends with someone you’re homosexually attracted to and nothing more?

Broken
Broken
August 30, 2014 12:06 pm

All of this is really helpful but I still have a problem. Let me start by saying I was about 4 or 5 the first time a boy kissed me. He played on my bball team and ask me if I wanted to kiss while at his house one day. Well I did it. Around the same time I was at another friends house (a boy) who my parents knew from church and he asked if I wanted a kiss. Again same age as me and we went on with it……Anyway, when I turned around 7 or so, I started playing on a new bball team which stayed playing together for about 4 or 5 years. We would all have sleepovers and do unnatural acts. I would rather not go into detail. I’ve always been attracted and always dated girls. I like them. But even now at the age of 26 I cannot control my homosexual feelings. You say to ask God for help, pray, and read your bible(all that good stuff). But I’ve was raised in church and have been asking for Gods help ever since I was young and knew it was wrong. I have a gf who I have been with for 4 years. She recently found out about some stuff I had done and left me. What am I supposed to do when I ask for help and don’t feel like I’m getting any! I only like girls and having an actual relationship or relations with a man sickens me. But when im turned on with out a girl around the gay stuff just takes over and it is too hard for me to stop it. I’ve asked, I’ve begged, I’ve cried out to my KING to take this from me and I feel like it won’t ever happen. Suicide Sounds good if I’m goin to help anyway right?

Teleskoid
Teleskoid
October 17, 2015 7:05 am

I think what you wrote is very neat and well thought. I have no desires for women, I’ve had gay sexual experiences in the past which makes it really hard to forget about because it was very pleasurable. And you are right, living with that attraction is feeling like I can only live black and white in this life and the colors will only come when I die and I go to Heaven. I want to set my life straight and continue growing in my relationship with God but two things still frustrates me a lot:

1. What is the actual bad consequence of a loving, monogamous, faithful and Christian homosexual couple? I can find something for pretty much every other sin (for instance disease if you have sex with a sheep) but NOTHING for that one in that specific context.

2. Why is the Bible never explicitly condems polygamy or slavery while we know those things bring a lot of suffering while it completely forbids something like a homosexual loving marriage? It seems to be rather unfair to me, and we always excuse the Bible saying it was just something “cultural”. Isn’t gay marriage “cultural” too?

Teleskoid
Teleskoid
October 29, 2015 5:06 am

Thanks you so much, this helps A LOT, its probably the best answer I’ve ever been given!

Now 1 Corinthians 7:
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

And further in chapter 7:
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I know sex is not supposed to be the main reason why someone would get married, and marriage and celibacy are equally valid and important in God’s eyes. But it says we should act according to our “gift”. I don’t think God will change my desires even though he certainly can. But at the same time I don’t think I am “gifted” to be perfectly happy and content deprived of sex or of human intimacy (like taking a bath together or watching a movie together cuddling, etc). You say:

“Regardless of which desire we’re struggling with, the answer is to seek God in all we do. Ask God to help you be the person you should be, and I believe that He will. That doesn’t necessarily make the struggle go away, of course… but we don’t have to face the struggle alone. God is with us, gives us strength and wisdom to face our problems, and comforts us when we fail. God transforms us from the inside out to become more like He is, if we just allow Him to change us. We cooperate with Him when we exercise self-control and avoid simply doing what comes naturally.”

At least for straight people, they can count on marriage to canalize their sexual energy/desires/needs. But what about when you are in your 20’s and you already know that this won’t be an option for you unless God performs a miracle and change your desires (I know he can, but I don’t think he will)… It’s kind of depressing, to see how hard it is to refrain from sex at all, and knowing that it will be a life struggle without any possible way to ever get physical relief.
God says in 1 Corinthians 10:

13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

What is my way out to control sexual temptations if marriage is not allowed with a guy? Prayer and reading the Bible even more? I just feel like this temptation is beyond what I can bear. I don’t know how I will be able to live the next *70* years of my life if I struggle like I am right now… I want to trust that that verse is true, but it is so very demanding! I feel like I am asked to learn the entire work of Chopin on the piano in one single day and play it perfectly… simply impossible. Have any insight on this?

Aaron
Aaron
December 22, 2015 11:39 am

In the article, you speak of it being unnatural to our human nature to be patient, kind or have self control…well then why does Paul imply that heterosexual attractions are natural in Romans 1:27 when he says “And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.”
Is the ‘natural use’ spoken of in this verse natural for everyone or not? You seem to think that anything a human has an inclination toward that is good, is unnatural for him.

Aaron
Aaron
December 22, 2015 11:13 pm

Thank you for your reply. You said, just because something is “natural” to you does not mean that it’s pleasing to God. You also said that same sex attraction in itself is not a sin. So if same sex attraction is not a sin, then it is not something that displeases God, and therefore, is not unnatural. Why do you say that opposite sex attraction should come naturally for everyone if same sex attraction is not a sin?

Teresa
Teresa
October 30, 2020 2:09 pm
Reply to  Tony

You can simply back up the fact that being tempted is not a sin. Jesus was and is sinless. Jesus was tempted by satan. Jesus did not fall into temptation. I believe that’s how God wants us to handle it and to ask Him for the help and the out of the situation.

Brandon
Brandon
October 18, 2016 7:35 am

Hey Tony,
I want to start by saying thank you for putting up this website and for actively responding to questions. I have recently started studying out what is expected of a Gentile Christian who puts his faith in Christ. Your website and answers have given me the understanding I have needed.

With that being said I want ask you a clarifying question about a comment in this section (Sorry if this rabbit trails the main topic of this discussion. Feel free to move this message if you think it might).

In your last comment you said:
“A decent working definition of sin is ‘the willful transgression of a known law of God by a morally responsible person”.

Is the “known law of God” you are referring to the law that is written on our heart or referring to the old Mosaic law?

To put it in context my parents and I love to talk theology and they asked me, if someone was to ask them what is an example of sin, if they could reference going against the 10 commandments.

My answer to them was that tho following the 10 commandments pleases God and shows our love for Jesus (John 14:18‭-‬24 NASB) they are no longer binding and therefore should not be used in the context of representing sin. Was I wrong in this analysis?

What does the word make clear to be an actual sin now that we follow the law of faith (outside of going against our own convictions which is understood as a sin)?

Thank you in advance for your reply.

anonymous
anonymous
October 20, 2016 3:39 am

I did my secondary school in a boarding house where homosexual is a way of life. there I developed feelings for gay sex which has lasted for 6years now. till now I’ve not practiced it because is against my personal principle, family belief, Godly morals, and society culture. how can I get rid of this feelings because it arouses anytime I see any handsome man, even on the street. I meet gay men often but I rebuff all of them still fighting my feelings. I hate gay with passion.

Sam
Sam
November 5, 2016 11:55 pm

Hi Tony
I’m very happy to have found this site. I’ve read every comment. I love your responses. It has helped me through my daily battles.
I have these same sex struggles since I was a young man. I can remember since I was in fifth grade. I had my first lust with my fifth grade teacher. I experience my first same sex kiss when I was 17 years old with a high school classmate. I was so scared I stopped being friends with him. Then at 26 I started experiencing it more. Then at 35 I stopped. I still have those temptations today. I still do watch porn videos and some are of same sex too. I’ve always kept my life style a secrete. Only a few people know about me. I’ve dated woman and I’ve married once too. I have no kids. When I reached out to my Christian brothers from a church I use to go to, they turned their backs on me and left me wandering alone. I felt hurt and decide that the only way to numb the pain was to act up on my temptations. Now here I am seeking God again at 38. Trying to live right and be a witness to others. I just don’t talk about my same sex experience with no one. It feels good to be able to express it here. It feels good to let out what I hold inside for many years. I just wish I had a friend who I can talk to about anything and not judge me. But I know the Holy Spirit is with me through my battles and will give me strength I need daily and also will guide me right through God’s way.

I do believe we all have our own personal battles. I believe our battles will be there until our last breath here on earth.
I believe God allows the enemy to temp us in all different ways. The enemy finds our weaknesses and that’s what he hold us by for the rest of our lives. If we defeat a temptation, the enemy will find the next one.
I may have a same sex temptation as others may have a drug temptation or other temptations. We all have battles just in different ways but it’s something we battle with everyday.
Sometimes I just want to give up in life and just go find my flesh pleasure.
I pray every morning and every night and I’ll listen to Christian music throughout my days. This has helped me make my battles easier. I do fail everyday but I know God forgives me. I know God sees my humble heart and not my sins. I wish I can say I’m sin free. So I know our purpose is to live for God and fight our daily battles. Sometimes we will lose our battles some days we will win them but on our last day here on earth we will overcome our battles. I believe as long as we fight our battles and live a Christian life, God will honor us for that. It’s not easy but as long as we try to live right, God will see us perfect.

FollowerOfJesus
FollowerOfJesus
July 12, 2017 3:32 am

Hi,

I once was attacked by the enemy that caused me to have homosexual thoughts and feelings. I know they attacked me since I can always feel the presence of angels and demons. For a long time I struggled with this but I always knew that it came from the enemy.

There is no signs of homosexuality in heaven thus I always asked God to teach me the tools and truth to fight of these demons. They normally attack those people who have an important destiny with God. It keeps children that God might need in this world, that should be taught through you, from this world.

So I had a long journey trying to get the enemy off my back. Now I am free and the enemy has no power over me anymore.

I feel like God wants me to help homosexual people get rid of these attacks as it keeps us from doing His work.

Ask for forgiveness and repent of your sins. Then loose it from your soul by praying: “Father as an act of my own will, I loose all homosexual thoughts, feelings, dreams and anything that I took into my soul that’s not from you. In Jesus’s name, Amen.”. No one was ever born like this but the enemy attacks people from a young age to make you believe that you different. Now fill your soul with things from God and bind it to your soul by praying the following: “Father, as an act of my own will I invite your presence, determination, resistance from the enemy, your love, grace and blessings, your divine truth and revelation. I receive these things and I bind them to my soul, in Jesus name, Amen!”

Then start using the Hosts of Heaven in your life to keep the attacks from happening. The Hosts of Heaven are heavens army that’s there for you to use as a spiritual weapon against the enemy, for we fight in the spirit and not in the flesh. Do so by inviting them in your life first by praying: “Father, I invite the host of heaven in my life to help me fight for you.” then start using them by praying out loud: “Father, in the name of Jesus I take power over all the power of the enemy and I strip away the power that they have over me and I command the Hosts of Heaven to pull down all the strongholds of the enemy, shred the platforms of darkness and I command you to take all the enemy and throw them in a dry place till the day of judgement!” After this the angels will start warfare and shred the enemy. Now the enemy will still try and attack you but you just have to keep resisting as it pains them and sooner or later they will give up! Resist them by listening to worship music etc.

After this you are free but they will try and pull you back, every morning when I wake up I pray: “Father I ask for grace to resist the enemy today and I receive it in Jesus name! Amen”.

All of this I learned out of experience but one thing you always have to remember is, that you weren’t born this way and it’s attacks from the enemy.

I hope this could help someone and I pray that God will be with you and I know that He will help you.

If you want to learn more about Heaven and the Hosts of Heaven go search Kat Kerr.

a b
a b
October 15, 2017 7:28 pm

Whenever someone tells me some bullshit like “Christianity is love” or “Islam is peace”, I just take a peak at the type of poison their followers are spilling in this website.

annonymous
annonymous
July 25, 2018 12:03 pm

hi im a woman and ive known and loved the lord for almost 30 years and am a virgin. i am now 50 years old and have fallen in love with a woman . we both want to be together would it be a sin if we lived together and didnt have sex.

khrieketoulie
khrieketoulie
December 19, 2018 9:40 am

the feelings that they have from where it used to come? Isn’t develop itself?

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