Because of the recent American elections, I’ve had a number of conversations about issues like abortion, and have come to realize that there’s a lot of ‘fuzzy thinking’ out there. This is one of my replies from a recent ‘fuzzy’ discussion:
When it comes to abortion, the issue is often divided into two groups: arguments about how to avoid abortion, and arguments about what to do about unwanted pregnancy. That sometimes causes people to argue badly, because they’re not really communicating about the same thing.
I lean toward the prevention side in most of my arguments…like this:
Can’t afford a baby? Don’t get pregnant. Babies come from having sex, so don’t have sex if you fall into this category. If you can’t afford a baby (and aren’t willing to work hard to afford one) you shouldn’t get pregnant. If working that hard is INCONVENIENT for you, don’t have sex.
See? I lean toward a no-nonsense Prevention argument. If each young woman was as concerned about NOT getting pregnant as about having cute shoes, listening to cool music, or dating that hawt young man, there would be lots fewer abortions to deal with. Instead of chasing the symptom, I go right for the cause.
Have a relationship problem? Don’t get pregnant. Relationships are serious…including being the parent of a new baby. If you’re having serious relationship problems, fix them before having one.
Don’t get me wrong…I know that this is only half of the equation. I’ll get to the other half in a moment.
Too young to have a baby? People object? Don’t get pregnant, or ignore what other people think. If you think you’re ready to have a baby, make sure you’re able to handle the situation without the help of those who disagree.
When it comes to the “before” side of the equation, I don’t play games. This isn’t a matter of asking non-Christians to act like Christians…this is a matter of common sense.
We’re teaching kids in Kindergarten where babies come from, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that sexually active people get pregnant at a higher rate than virgins. Yes, I said it: virgins. Too few people are able to say it with a straight face, but I have no problem saying it to a young teenage boy or a group of college students. Don’t want to get burned? Don’t play with fire. Not ready for a baby? Don’t have sex…period. It’s the only sure-fire way to avoid the problem, and EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.
Now for the second half of the equation: the “after”. How should we handle an unwanted pregnancy? I believe that we should take the same no-nonsense approach. Why? Simple: irresponsibility in one area can’t be fixed by irresponsibility in another.
When someone does what they know they should not, and ends up pregnant, we shouldn’t help them avoid the consequences of their actions. We should help them DEAL with the consequences. When I say “we” I mean everybody in society, but especially Christians.
No, I’m not ignoring or downplaying the fear and uncertainty that comes with an unwanted pregnancy…they’re very real. No matter which ‘convenience’ factor the woman faces, the issues are the same 92% of the time. According to the Guttmacher Institute, 92% of abortions are performed for the convenience of the mother. This info doesn’t come from an anti-abortion position, it comes from one of the most pro-abortion groups in the world:
- She had voluntary sex, and got pregnant
- She doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions because her life would be more difficult as a result.
Loving Caring Respecting Affirming Listening Answering Helping Sharing Laughing Paying Praying and Planning…that’s what a woman with an unwanted pregnancy needs. That’s what we should provide for her instead of government-assisted consequence avoidance.
The issue isn’t just about killing a real human baby. It’s also about the character of the mother. If we help her THROUGH the mistake the first time, she’s less likely to make it again…and more likely to help someone else. Whether she keeps the baby and struggles to make it or gives the baby to someone who can, she’ll be infinitely more mature and responsible than the young woman who learns that she can act as she pleases with no thought for the future.
There’s a third group I haven’t addressed: the “after after”. How should we deal with those who have had abortions? Simple: we love them, accept them, and teach them. That’s what God does for us, right? He doesn’t have to approve of our actions to accept us as we are, and we should do the same for others. That’s grace, and there’s not enough going around these days.
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Let’s not forget rape
Jenny:
Thanks for commenting. You noticed that I didn’t address the issue of rape in this article. This article is (in part) about responsibility, and about the consequences of one’s own actions. When someone is raped, they are the victim…so we would naturally be having a different kind of discussion. It’s an important discussion to have, of course, but this article is not about that situation. Would you like to share your thoughts on what that discussion might be like? Thanks!
To be honest I don’t know what you can say to rape victim. I was raped , I didn’t tell anyone about it. I knew right after the rape I was pregnant ( or I should say we’ll be ). I tried getting plan b at plan parent hood the card they gave me to get plan b didn’t work. Next day I went to 12 different cvs and guess what no one had plan b. Ever place I went sold out need to be re order. I can remember the last cvs I went to me crying my eyes out. The Pharmacist was nice to come hug me . Later found out I was pregnant. 2 months thinking what to do. One my co worker saw how depress I was an I just told her I was pregnant ( no other detail ) she had abortion before An gave me doctor name.
I ask myself would I do it again. Answer would be yes . I couldn’t imagine carrying that monster kid in me An force to take care of it . Look at the face of kid( worst if it was a boy) an adoption was out because I would still be force to care it. It like being punish twice ( once rape then a kid by rapist . An ppl are so mean they just think ur a party girl because u have a kid not think maybe she was abused )
Now if they had something for rape victims where u can take the egg An place it in another woman or a machine that grows the baby I would gladly do that so the baby could be adopted
I always believe abortion was wrong An why don’t ppl just give the baby up for adoption . But being in that situation 1. Not tell ppl ur rape 2. Being ashamed 3. Not want to carry that baby . Everyday having nightmares of what happen 4. Just want ur life back 5. Not dealing with ppl judging u because u have kid outside marriage ( who in real life going explain real reason they have a kid) 6. What in the world would u tell that kid when they grow about about the dad . 7 having to deal with rapist the rest of your life . I read forum where when Been rape An once they get out jail they have give there kids to rapist ( they do have some place u can drop off an they watch ur kid with the rapist. But do U want ur kid to be with them) 8 what if u have a boy . U have worry if he’s just like that monster . Scared when he grows into a man An get a call that he done the same thing
Sorry I don’t really answer your question but I don’t know how u can change someone mind
Jenny:
Thanks for sharing part of your story. That’s brave. I’m very sorry about what happened to you.
I’m going to disagree with something you’ve said. I hope you understand that I’m not judging you personally, because I’m not. I have no interest in making you feel bad, or to tell you that you were wrong, or anything like that. I just want to share with you a different perspective.
I have some friends who were conceived by rape. As anyone could guess, their mothers all chose to give birth to them. I’m grateful that their mothers did that. None of them said it was easy, but they all said it was worth it. They felt the false shame, even though they were victims. That’s horrible. They endured the judgment of stupid people, even though they shouldn’t have been judged. They didn’t want to be raped. They didn’t want to be pregnant. They certainly didn’t want to give birth to their rapist’s baby. They all had to tell their children about their fathers at some point, which was hard. Despite all of that, their lives are good.
Let me encourage you, if I can, in a couple of ways. First, please know that God cares about you. I don’t know if you believe in God, but I do…and He cares about each of us. If you haven’t already, I hope you will experience that love for yourself…and soon. It’s awesome! Second, please know that I care about you. Nobody deserves to be mistreated…ever. If you were here, I would want to give you a big hug and make sure you knew that I’m on your side. Third, I’d like to encourage you to spend a little more time thinking about this issue. I know it’s difficult and probably emotional to talk about, but there are a LOT of men and women who need your help. You could be an encouragement for them, if you wanted to do that. Many people need to know that life goes on after tragedy, and you have a unique perspective to share.
Please let me know if you’d like to chat some more. I want to help, if helping is possible. Have a great day!
Thank you for your loving response, I’m a Christian. I wish I was strong like the women you talked about. Wow that wonderful that the mom An the kid have a happy healthy life.
Thank you for letting me share tony.
You’re welcome here anytime, Jenny. People need to hear your story. =) <3